HEY HUMANS... You Belong to Us!!! Gobble, Gobble, Chomp, Chomp. Gulp A large part of America eats turkey on Thanksgiving. Its a tradition. Americans love to eat turkey. But, did you ever think that turkeys might love to eat us? Well, they do. And there are a lot of instances where turkeys attack people. Why don t we hear about them? Easy. Its the radical bias of the mainstream media. Newspapers, radio, TV, digital. They are all the same. They report on things such as murders. robberies, wars and politics. But they ignore the really important news such as turkey attacks. Once in a while, a really professional news organization will show that they are the bedrock of American journalism. Just as the founding fathers had envisioned. They report on the really important stories of the day.... such as the ongoing turkey conflict. One such giant of the American media is a TV station in Minnesota. They reported on the life threatening turkey invasion that took place in Coon Rapids, Minnesota in 2022. Residents in Coon Rapids say a wild turkey is terrorizing the neighborhood. It has attacked people and pecked at moving cars. It has caused some neighbors to adopt a defensive strategy. I have to carry my broom and my water and my golf club everywhere I go, said one survivor. Researchers have determined that turkeys attack people because they look at humans as their inferiors. Yeah, really. We get picked on, just because we are here. Turkeys are very hierarchal. Unless shown differently, they think that they are higher up on the pecking order than we are. That's why they pick on us. Some experts say that a human should never run from a turkey, or chase a turkey. Don t be intimidated. Stand your ground. And, if a turkey attacks, beat it off with a broom or anything that you can swing at it. Establish that you are higher in the pecking order than the bird is. Then it will leave you alone..maybe. There is no question about it. Turkeys want to eat us. So what can you do? You can go into the woods and fields and search for a turkey. When you find one, attack it before it attacks you. However, if there is a flock of turkeys and one of you, perhaps you should call off the operation. If you don't want to track down turkey storm troopers, there are other ways to help in the war effort. For one, you can open a CD at First Secure Community Bank of Joliet. If you open a 7 month CD of at least $2,500, you will receive 4.25% APY interest, one of the highest interest rates in town. And, you will get a free turkey. No, we won t give you the bird. But we will give you a $20 Jewel gift certificate and Jewel will give you the bird. And, thats one less turkey storm trooper that humanity will need to worry about. So come and see us. We re waiting for you. But you better hurry 'cause this offer ends on Wednesday, November 27th, the day before Thanksgiving. Free Thanksgiving Turkey!* We ll buy your Thanksgiving Turkey when you purchase a 7 month CD of at least $2500. 4.25% 7 month CD Offer ends 11/27/24. Joliet & Morris Building & Loan locations only. New Money Only. "You will receive a $20 Jewel gift card that you can use to purchase your Turkey or other items. Open a Holiday Club Account! |IE|| FIRST SECURE COMMUNITY BANK OF JOLIET Joliets Locally-Owned and Locally-Managed Billion Dollar Community Bank 2398 Essington Rd (Corner of Essington and Caton Farm Rd) (815) 230-8000 Visit 1stsecurebank.com MEMBER EQUAL We're not just your bank, we're your neighbor! FDIC LENDER Have more money set aside for next years holiday gifts! Save for next year Earn interest Coupon books and electronic options are available Come in for all the details! "Annual Percentage Yield (APY) effective as of 11/2/24. APY and terms are subject to change at any time and without notice. Minimum balance to open and receive stated APY and Jewel Certificate is $2500. Maximum of 1 certificate per household. New money only, that has not been on deposit at First Secure Bank for the past 90 days, Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. An early withdrawal penalty may reduce earnings. Maximum per household $500.000. CDs will rollover at maturity to the then current rate, if not redeemed at maturity, as follows: the 7 month CD will rollover to a 6 month CD. HEY HUMANS ... You Belong to Us !!! Gobble , Gobble , Chomp , Chomp . Gulp A large part of America eats turkey on Thanksgiving . Its a tradition . Americans love to eat turkey . But , did you ever think that turkeys might love to eat us ? Well , they do . And there are a lot of instances where turkeys attack people . Why don t we hear about them ? Easy . Its the radical bias of the mainstream media . Newspapers , radio , TV , digital . They are all the same . They report on things such as murders . robberies , wars and politics . But they ignore the really important news such as turkey attacks . Once in a while , a really professional news organization will show that they are the bedrock of American journalism . Just as the founding fathers had envisioned . They report on the really important stories of the day .... such as the ongoing turkey conflict . One such giant of the American media is a TV station in Minnesota . They reported on the life threatening turkey invasion that took place in Coon Rapids , Minnesota in 2022. Residents in Coon Rapids say a wild turkey is terrorizing the neighborhood . It has attacked people and pecked at moving cars . It has caused some neighbors to adopt a defensive strategy . I have to carry my broom and my water and my golf club everywhere I go , said one survivor . Researchers have determined that turkeys attack people because they look at humans as their inferiors . Yeah , really . We get picked on , just because we are here . Turkeys are very hierarchal . Unless shown differently , they think that they are higher up on the pecking order than we are . That's why they pick on us . Some experts say that a human should never run from a turkey , or chase a turkey . Don t be intimidated . Stand your ground . And , if a turkey attacks , beat it off with a broom or anything that you can swing at it . Establish that you are higher in the pecking order than the bird is . Then it will leave you alone..maybe . There is no question about it . Turkeys want to eat us . So what can you do ? You can go into the woods and fields and search for a turkey . When you find one , attack it before it attacks you . However , if there is a flock of turkeys and one of you , perhaps you should call off the operation . If you don't want to track down turkey storm troopers , there are other ways to help in the war effort . For one , you can open a CD at First Secure Community Bank of Joliet . If you open a 7 month CD of at least $ 2,500 , you will receive 4.25 % APY interest , one of the highest interest rates in town . And , you will get a free turkey . No , we won t give you the bird . But we will give you a $ 20 Jewel gift certificate and Jewel will give you the bird . And , thats one less turkey storm trooper that humanity will need to worry about . So come and see us . We re waiting for you . But you better hurry ' cause this offer ends on Wednesday , November 27th , the day before Thanksgiving . Free Thanksgiving Turkey ! * We ll buy your Thanksgiving Turkey when you purchase a 7 month CD of at least $ 2500 . 4.25 % 7 month CD Offer ends 11/27/24 . Joliet & Morris Building & Loan locations only . New Money Only . " You will receive a $ 20 Jewel gift card that you can use to purchase your Turkey or other items . Open a Holiday Club Account ! | IE || FIRST SECURE COMMUNITY BANK OF JOLIET Joliets Locally - Owned and Locally - Managed Billion Dollar Community Bank 2398 Essington Rd ( Corner of Essington and Caton Farm Rd ) ( 815 ) 230-8000 Visit 1stsecurebank.com MEMBER EQUAL We're not just your bank , we're your neighbor ! FDIC LENDER Have more money set aside for next years holiday gifts ! Save for next year Earn interest Coupon books and electronic options are available Come in for all the details ! " Annual Percentage Yield ( APY ) effective as of 11/2/24 . APY and terms are subject to change at any time and without notice . Minimum balance to open and receive stated APY and Jewel Certificate is $ 2500 . Maximum of 1 certificate per household . New money only , that has not been on deposit at First Secure Bank for the past 90 days , Substantial penalty for early withdrawal . An early withdrawal penalty may reduce earnings . Maximum per household $ 500.000 . CDs will rollover at maturity to the then current rate , if not redeemed at maturity , as follows : the 7 month CD will rollover to a 6 month CD .